I understand it can be nerve-wracking getting to know a potential spouse but instead of handling our nerves with class, we are letting our mouths run with the wind! This is not the time to get into the sob story of what happened with your past relationships.
But when you ask a matchmaker who has been on the front line of the dating field for seventeen years, you get a different response. Leslie Wardman is the Matchmaker at Ambiance Matchmakingwhich she founded over a decade ago. She talks to an innumerable amount of clients on a daily basis, whether it be evaluating their date, arranging their date, or prepping them for a date. She reveals the secret for effective dating, and the most common reasons first dates fizzle. Be present in the moment, and appreciate the person you are with.
So you're not a "10" in every which way. But you're probably pretty spectacular in some way, and definitely good enough in most areas of life. If ever there were a time to stop beating yourself up for being human, it is now. Verified by Psychology Today. Finding Cloud9.
DO widen your definition of a compatible mate. Open yourself to the possibility that you can fall in love with someone who doesn't perfectly meet the criteria that you believe is your ideal or particular "type.
DO approach others with curiosity, kindness, and compassion. Premature dismissals of someone are a one-way ticket to overlooking a potentially great love match. DON'T come on too strong! Watch yourself for behaviors that dos and don ts for dating be constured as needy, desperate, unstable, or otherwise undesirable.
DO respect the natural progression of intimacy.
Telling a potential mate how much you really, really like them adds a lot of unnecessary pressure! Instead, gradually reveal your inner thoughts, feelings, and personal story starting with light and casual then progressing to deeper, more intimate self-disclosures. Some rules of dating have stood the test of time. Yes, we live in a modern world in which women can pay for themselves and open their own door. Still, it's nice when the man foots the bill after a dinner date. Likewise, ladies shouldn't try to be just one of the guys.
Tips from Dr. Kate Campbell, Ph. Do find a balance with considering the opinions of others, while staying in touch with your own intuition regarding who is a compatible match for you. Ditch the long laundry list written by everyone else, but you!
DON'T get lost talking about yourself and your past, including the mistakes, heartaches, who you were ten years ago or even in your last relationship.
The angry therapist
When getting to know someone in a new relationship, they want to know who you are today not how you were in a past relationship or lifetime. DO talk about yourself as who you are today in the present and the values and goals you have for yourself in the future. DON'T monopolize the conversation or make yourself the highlight real, no one healthy or worthwhile being in a relationship with is interested in getting into a coupleship with a narcissist.
DO make the conversation reciprocal, be inquisitive and show your interest in getting to know the other person. When we alter who we are and portray values that are not our own, we attract people we were never meant dos and don ts for dating attract, therefore the relationship is doomed before it begins.
DO present yourself authentically. It is much easier than putting forth the energy required to pretend. DON'T complain about your lack of luck with love or blame your city's [insert city name here] dating scene!
DO keep in mind that dating isn't easy for anyone, no matter where you live. You can blame your location, the ratio of singles to couples, or even the weather. Bottom line, our attitude is more likely to create opportunities for us. Leave your carry-on luggage packed full of negativity at baggage claim. Corinne Scholtz, Ph. Be cautious of giving up or limiting the time you spend doing things for "you", whether this be exercise, the beach, reading, cooking, spending time with friends, etc.
Finding a compatible partner
DO practice balancing "you" time with "couple" time from the very beginning of the relationship. Evaluate each situation and decide when the needs of the couple are a priority and vice versa, decide when your individual needs are a priority. Jamie Long, Psy.
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Dos and don’ts when talking to your match:
You Are Good Enough So you're not a "10" in every which way. Subscribe Issue Archive. Back Today.
Jamie Long Psy. About the Author. Read Next. Are Emotions Causing You to Overeat? Most Popular. Behind the Scenes of Histrionic Personality Disorder.
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