Thank you for the opportunity to ask for help in my search for love. I really value your advice. I am going to meet someone for the first time and I need help.
I used to think every great relationship began with a great origin story, like hitting it off with the person who happens to be seated next to you on an airplane or meeting the love of your life when you both reach for the same book at a bookstore. I wanted to have a meet-cute happen organically, out in the wild, so I always felt slightly jealous of my friends who met their ificant others through school and at bars, while I was going on first dates set up through Tinder and Bumble and meeting people online.
Starting an online long-distance relationship? here’s what you should consider beforehand
Technology makes it possible to meet people from all over the world, and when it comes to dating, apps and websites certainly make it possible to cast a wider net. But if you meet someone online that you're interested in, should you start a long-distance relationship with someone you met online — especially when long-distance relationships are notoriously challenging in and of themselves?
The short answer is that it depends on your needs, limitations, and what it takes to feel fulfilled in a romantic relationship. That said, if you decide to give it a go, Dr. Sue Varma doctorsuevarma on social mediaa couples and sex therapist and sex educator, says that the first step is to clarify your intentions. There are also some other questions to ask yourself as you go forward with a far-away romance.
Ahead, some things to meet your online love before taking that digital step.
In any case, before falling for the romance, both parties should be aware of their emotional needs. Need help de-mystifying? Take a quiz to discover your love languages.
Further, "People who already have very busy and full lives, and also people who are independent or content living alone if they don't have a roommatemay appreciate the flexibility and lowered expectations of a long-distance relationship," she says. Another aspect to consider is how far a distance you'd be willing to travel, and how often, in order to see your partner.
For instance, would you be okay with making a four-hour drive to spend the weekend together, or flying halfway across the world two times a year?
Or, would you consider a two-hour train ride a huge inconvenience, given your need to be with your beau? And last but certainly not least is the matter of trusting someone's authenticity when you haven't actually — you know — met.
How to be better at online dating, according to psychology
After all, you've seen Catfishright? Gunsaullus says.
Also, it's hard to assess sexual chemistry if you haven't spent time together. Still, there are some red flags you can look out for through your correspondence. Varma says that flakiness, unreliability, canceling potential meet-ups, and telling stories that don't add up should raise your suspicious.
And in general, she advises, you should always trust your gut. Also, Dr. Threadgill notes, it can be easy to experience a false sense of security after just a few days of continuous messaging — and that's not always a good thing. But with all this in mind, the experts agree that starting a long-distance relationship with someone you met online isn't automatically a bad idea.
In fact, it can be incredibly fulfilling for those who proceed with caution and are willing to make some sacrifices. Gunsaullus shares her final thoughts: "If you have a connection with someone that meet your online love particularly special, unique, and supportive in a way you haven't been able to find in your home area, then maybe you want to give it a shot.
By Karen Tietjen.
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